My Wry Scottish Wit - Part 1

Dry humor. That's what I want to write about. Some might think this entry -- rant -- is going to be filled with subtle puns on a serious topic. No. It's going to be a discussion of punniness.

Get it?

So I'm sitting in class and the professor says he practices dry humor. Why would he say that? Is he comparing himself to matzo on a forty year journey through the desert or to a mushy village of hills and valleys removed from its safe cerebrospinal fluid environment? Nonetheless, I ignore it and lend him a customary "tehe." I do this because I have class. Do you?

So I go on sitting through this mundane lecture. Hearing but not listening. I might be absorbing prions of information, but most likely I'm exercising by drown-out skills, shifting my visual focus to the back of my eyelids and my auditory attention to the Duke -- I'm a blue devil Taking the A train.

I'm blue da ba dee da ba die.

So why do we strive for dry humor? Is it the skill of delivery -- the unflappable calm nature of presentation? Or because Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld made millions off of it? Or maybe because we (I) want to get up in front of a classroom and discuss the most __________ topic in front of umpteen deadpan half-sleeping zombies.

If you miss the A train
You'll find you've missed the quickest way to Harlem.

But I'm not going to Harlem. I'm sitting still, trying casually to wiggle my way out of a wedgie. I know I should have done the laundry today. On my right, I can feel the peeking eyes of Ellie, staring at me. She knows. She can see through my subtle oopty-loop of my rear end. But I swear, I was not picking my nose. Can't a man scratch the outside of his nostril without losing the "in" with a female classmate?

Hurry, get on, now, it's coming.

Tune in tomorrow (5/17/2010) at 10:00 p.m. for the continuation.

Italicized lyrics in the above piece come from two sources:

1. Eiffel 65 - Blue
2. Duke Ellington - Take the A train

The above is an original piece of work by the author of this page. Any attempt to reproduce it will be deemed plagiarism.